Have you seen the show Tough Love on VH1?  Season 2 just premiered this past Sunday. (If you haven’t, you might want to check it out, that Steve is one tough cookie.)  The dating game can be quite the adventurous road to navigate and we all need a little help along the way at some point.  And so, in the spirit of the Tough Love Season 2 premier, I decided to call upon a Sassy Steel Magnolia friend of mine, who also dubs as my dating guru, Katie to give our readers a few tips when taking the D-Tour.

I greatly admire Katie for her dating abilities.  She’s been through the ringer a couple of times but always comes out on top and with her head held high.  I call her often to discuss my situations and am always entertained by her stories.  I hope you enjoy reading her tips, as I know I’ve used them through out the years.  As for my married readers, you can sit back and relax on this post .. this one’s for the rest of us dating navigators …..

First of all- let me clear the air- I am NO expert on dating.  I am a 25 year old single* female that, while I have gone on my fair share of ridiculous dates in the decade I’ve been canoodling with men, I highly doubt my experience qualifies me to throw in my ten cents on anything.  However, since my good friend Jennie B asked me to give some dating tips, I am happy to oblige. 

Since I am a recent law school grad and successful bar exam taker (as I write this I’m hoping the ridiculously expensive wine my mom bought me for passing the bar exam will somehow make me seem more whitty than normal),  please accept the following warning:

 Dating can be and should be a   journey.  Like life, there are ups and  downs- good times and bad times.  I’ve learned to enjoy the fun times and get through the bad times, but mostly importantly, I firmly believe we should pass on our experiences to our fellow travelers. Hopefully my mistakes can be your lessons learned or my funny stories can lift you up during a dating dry spell.  Please, learn something from my advice, or at the least take away a good laugh at some of the crazy things that have happened to me along the way.

With all of that out of the way, drum roll please….here they are in no particular order:

KATIE’S TIPS ON DATING

1.   If you want to use a dating website, go for it. More power to you. Your confidence and devotion to love truly amaze me. I’ve had several really close friends meet awesome guys using these dating tools.  However, NEVER feel pressured to sign up for a Web site and certainly don’t force them on an unwilling 20-something female. I’m moving to Atlanta in January and a friend (whom I love very dearly, but unfortunately is one of those-“ I’m dating someone, so all my friends should too” type of people) and I were having a conversation about boys.  She is doing a clerkship in another city for a year, and then plans to move to Atlanta where her boyfriend lives. No shit- this came out of her sweet, clueless mouth- “Katie (that’s me), I really think that if you haven’t found someone by the time I move to Atlanta, you should try Match.com. I mean, I hear that it’s quite normal for people in big cities to use it, you know, less “taboo” for you to use it in Atlanta. Definitely not something to be embarrassed about using in Atlanta.”- God bless her sweet caring heart, and in her defense, I was probably complaining about being single, but my gracious—Do not put a dating website in the context of being taboo or not… EVER.

2.  I don’t care who you are, date different types of guys. I’ve dated them all- seriously every adjective you can think of and it’s opposite. Did all these dates go well…NO MA’AM! Did I learn something from each of these guys?  Why yes, yes I did.  Ladies, it is perfectly fine to be picky, but don’t be so picky you turn down dates with guys that don’t meet what you think of as ideal.  Some of my best dates were with guys I almost said no to.  After a date or two, if you know it won’t work out or that they don’t fit your mold, tell them POLITELY (no need to be heinous), that you don’t think it will work.  Either way- hopefully you’ve gotten some flowers, a few drinks, and a nice dinner from the deal- we all know that never hurt anyone =)

3.  That being said, know when it is time to let go.  NEVER, NEVER, NEVER stay with someone because you feel sorry for them, you hope you’ll develop feelings for them, they are the type of person your mom (or fill in the blank here) thinks you should be with. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn’t give you butterflies or make your heart skip a beat when entering the room.

4.  Before accepting an invitation to go on a vacation,make sure you know where you all stand-i.e. what each other’s expectations are.  Believe you me, NOTHING is more awkward than you thinking one thing, he be thinking another and then find out what each other really wanted/expected out of the trip . . . in the middle of the Caribbean. . . on a cruise ship. . .with 5 days left on the friggin cruise.   Do I sound like I’m speaking from experience?  Because I am.   It doesn’t necessarily have to be as long as a cruise, imagine even a weekend at a cabin, or an over-night wedding trip.

5.  When you break up with someone, I don’t care how much you like them as a person or wanted things to work out differently- do NOT, I repeat DO NOT commit the cardinal sins that one of my ex-s made. I recently had a great guy, a 2^ndyear orthopedic resident, tell me he just wasn’t that into me. Fine, whatever, I get that part. I honestly respected him SO MUCH for calling to tell me he didn’t want to hang out anymore rather than him just pulling the “drop off the face of the earth” move.  But seriously, in the middle of the break-up convo this extremely smart fellow commits 2 cardinal sins of break-ups:

• After informing me he just wasn’t that into me, I told him I respected his decision and was going to run.  He replied, “you don’t have to go, we can still talk a little while longer. What’s up?”Dialogue in my head (I’m far too nice to express this verbally) Listen buddy, you hurt my pride- you just freaking told me you weren’t that into me.  Please let me get off the phone with some dignity intact. Lesson learned: when you are the dumper get off the phone ASAP. The other person does NOT want to make small talk
• After we’ve had the awkward conversation above in #1, he asks me to tell my dog good-bye for him. Like I’m going to run over to said dog and tell her that!?! Listen buddy, it is MY dog, not yours. You broke up with me- you don’t get to tell her (my pup) good bye. Honestly, I know my dog is literally the CUTEST dog to ever walk to the face of the Earth, but did you like the dog more than me?? Thanks…friend. Seriously?!?

6.  Love yourself for who you are and what you bring to the table.  When you are able to accept yourself- with all your imperfections and flaws (yes, we are human- we ALL have flaws- we weren’t designed to be perfect) you will be better able to love the person who’s right for you. 

7.  I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the song by Evanescence called “Call Me When Your Sober.” If not, it is worth taking 4 minutes to Youtube it or Google the lyrics.  Ladies, if a boy only calls you after he has had a few drinks or after 11PM….take off your Jimmy Choos and run for your life.This boy is NO good.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but: YOU ARE A BOOTY CALL! Now, if you realize you area booty call and are fine with that, different story. However, not to be your mom, but you are better than that.  You absolutely deserve a MAN that calls during normal business hours without the aid of his friends Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, or Jose Cuervo.  (notice the distinction , booty caller= boy; man=calls at normal times sans alcohol) Buck up, tell the boy to grow up, and in the words of Evanescence “Call me when you’re sober…PUNK!”

8.  Always, always, always believe in love.  Yes, we’ve all gone through crappy dates, boyfriends, and break-ups, but believing in the light at the end of the tunnel is what gets us through another day, another love, and another break-up.  

 So dear Sassy Magnolia readers, I hope this helps you along your journey. If anything, I hope you at least had a few laughs.  Bless your hearts ladies and may you have a heck of a ride on your dating journey, I know I have so far!

 *Note: Single in the context of “I’d have to check the unmarried box on an application because the ‘dating a great guy’ box doesn’t appear on any forms” type of single.  While we have only been dating two months, he is wonderful and to date, has committed NONE of the atrocities of which I speak.

Thank you, Katie for sharing your dating ups and downs with us at The Sassy Steel Magnolia.  You truly are a Phenomenal Woman who deserves only the best in love and life!

If you would like to hear more about Katie’s Adventures in Dating, or have any questions, be sure to let me know so I can talk her into making another appearance here at The Sassy Steel Magnolia.  All you need to do is send me a quick little email.  And don’t worry, mums the word ;)

Still a little confused with the dating situation? Maybe need a little more insight? Read this article by Shauna with Mackenzie Image Consulting for help: Dress for the Love You Want.