One of the perks of having your own blog is introducing your readers to people you find inspiring, those you look up to and those who are just all around awesome. It’s really one of my favorite parts, and today’s guest post comes from one of those people..
I’ve known Casey for at least ten years now. She’s one of my Sister’s closest friends, a former team mate of mine as well as my former dance coach, current East Coast transplanter, and writer of A Five Leaf Clover. I’m very fortunate to have her just down the road in Savannah and also that she agreed to writing a post for me. She’s someone who always finds art in every aspect of life and isn’t afraid to admit her emotions. I knew she would send a great piece our way and I hope you all enjoy!
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When asked to write about tapping into a side or strength that I had no idea was there, there was a story from my past glaring at me and I knew, in reality, I had no choice. To be honest with myself, I was most shocked to discover the emotions I was capable of portraying after… dun dun dunnn… you guessed it, “the breakup”. Now, before you suddenly get bored with the cliché of the scenario, allow me to explain that my focus here is not on the actual breakup, but the period that ensued afterwards, where I felt more alive than I ever felt in my life.
I dated a guy who for all practical purposes I will call Tom. It started at the end of college and while we had a lot of fun it was obvious within the first few months that something wasn’t right. I tried to break up with him early on but he always managed to talk me into giving him another try. So I did. For about FOUR years. Looking back I was disappointed in myself for staying in a relationship so long when I knew deep down it was no good.
But the routine of life is numbing sometimes and I was going through the motions.
However, I felt far from numb when Tom broke up with me. I didn’t see it coming and might as well have gotten smashed into the ground by an army tank (aka: hit by a Mack Truck). Immediately I fell into a serious state of depression that neither my mother, nor my best of friends could pull me out. Weight fell off as my stomach was so knotted up I had to make myself eat. I literally had no cellulite on my ass and during any other time in my life I would have considered it a miracle, but it only reminded me how sad I was. Hyper aware of all sensations around me, my mind was working overtime, analyzing every thought. One night I found I had put my razor in my eyeglass case and while I laughed out loud, I decided I was freaking losing it.
What completely threw me off was how low I got considering that even in the depth of my depression I always knew that Tom and I weren’t meant to be together. But the girl that I am, it was more of a control issue, of which I had none.
It took a couple of months, but eventually I decided something had to give. I forced myself to do something. Anything. Go somewhere. Meet someone. Cook something.
Even if I didn’t like it, even if I was just on cruise control, I had to do something for myself.
It didn’t take too long before new experiences began to shine a small ray of light into my world, despite my resistance. My new goal was to make myself happy… in the most hedonistic way.
I enrolled in photography classes at a local university because I always had a passion for taking photos. I had a 22-year-old making friends with my answering machine until I finally decided to call him back. I chopped down my first Christmas tree, had neighbors over for dinner, and drank White Russians during the Big Lebowski with friends I once had little time for. Soon I felt not just more like myself, but more alive than I had in years.
During my rebound I created a Top 10 lifetime list that I am proud to say has already seen some action! A couple of years ago I saw Radiohead perform live in Atlanta, and just last week I swam with dolphins in Mexico! Next year I have plans to visit the wine country of California! Life is too short to not live it with intention.
The end of this story, my dear readers, is a happy one. I can’t leave out the fact that a new guy came into the picture who more than added to my happiness and we will be celebrating our one-year wedding anniversary in a few months! While it’s still easy to get into a rut of day-to-day living as a married couple, with full-time jobs and the like, Michael helps me bring it back to the good stuff. Like a mimosa on a Saturday morning.
Because sometimes life itself, with all its complications, is enough to celebrate.
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A HUGE Thank You to Casey for stopping by The Sassy Steel Magnolia. Such an incredible story from quite the phenomenal woman, I hope you all enjoyed! Make sure to keep an eye on her, Michael (and Sam – the most awesome German Shepard you’ll ever meet) over at A Five Leaf Clover. And of course she’s not done here at The SSM, her Music Snack will be up bright and early tomorrow morning to help you get over the hump on hump day!
