The woman across the table told me my chakras were all out of line, my aura was a sickly, meager gray-ish color and my life, she could tell, was in shambles as my soul was drifting around lost with no direction. All of this, she said, could be fixed with her help. (at the bargain price of an initial $300 dollars) She could walk me through the steps of a total and complete spiritual cleansing and that together – together we could get my life back on track.
That happened 4 months ago. I went to see a self-proclaimed spiritual advisor – a psychic, if you will. I’d been looking for a decent one in the area when I happened to land on the door step of this woman via word of mouth. To my new faux-psychic, non-friend I must say: A.) Thanks honey, I told you I was feeling lost, remember? This is what lead you into this new found revelation about me. and B.) Obviously you didn’t pick up on the fact that I was having to push a student loan payment off a few days just for this visit. So that initial $300 you mentioned ain’t gonna happen. (not to bring up all the other things you got completely wrong)
In all honesty – I indeed felt lost. Completely lost. I’d gotten myself in these trance-like stages of life before but for some reason this one I couldn’t shake. After my meeting with mrs. who-do-voo-do I was, admittedly, a little more shaken. My chakras .. my aura .. she had to bring those up .. all out of whack .. sickly gray. Come on! As if I didn’t have enough searching to do you had to add the chakras and the aura to it. Granted, the faux ones feed into things like that for more money. (I’m on to your game, honey, so back it up-this isn’t my first time at the rodeo & you give the good ones out there a bad name!) Regardless, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I researched chakra realignment and spiritual cleansing and kept an open mind as one often needs.
I gasped when I saw the word pop up across the screen that had haunted me in times passed. My palms became a little sweaty and my heart immediately fluttered a little. The one thing I’ve failed at trying to do so many times before was apparently the one thing that would help me put humpty dumpty back together again.
Meditation. Meditation. MEDITATION.
Everywhere. It was written everywhere.
Oh dear.
You see, I’ve tried numerous times and read numerous articles and Web sites on how to meditate and the different ways and such. Yes, I’m that girl who’s picked up and read Meditation for Dummies. Me. Right here. But you know what, I can NOT for the life of me (apparently I mean that in a literal sense) get into the practice of Meditation. I just can’t do it.
I’ve tried different poses, different candles, different mantras (that’s always fun, coming up with mantras), different areas of my house, quiet spaces, central spaces, standing up, sitting down – you name it. Just doesn’t work out for me. I know the importance of meditation. That’s one reason I’ve tried so many times. It really does help a lot of people. And according to what I was reading, I needed to ace the Meditation test right away. So, I tried again. New mantras, new tactics …….
By day 8 I was already skipping school.
I tried but started slipping as usual. I’m pretty sure I fell asleep during one of my attempts. But since I was already in the zone of trying to get back into Meditation School I accepted an offer from a friend to attend a Yoga class. I hear they go hand in hand. It had been 4 years since I’d taken Yoga and that was when my dance coach made us take it. Again, a lot of people dig the Yoga. And they tell me I should dig the Yoga, so you know what – I went for the Yoga. I even swore to my friend I would try my hardest to not laugh out loud if I felt uncomfortable (which we all know is my tell). I gave it my all and tried to be calm and quiet and find my center and really focus on my breathing. No dice. I hated it even though I really tried to like it. Maybe it was the class or the teacher or me-I don’t know. I felt absolutely uncomfortable the whole hour. Regardless, my conclusion was: if I can’t get my meditation vibes on solo, I’m probably not going to reach that sort of enlightened state in a group setting.
So what’s next? Back to the drawing board? More books on meditation? Find another spiritual guide?
Answer: None of the Above.
Apparently for me – at this point in my life – meditation is just not the answer. (or Yoga for that matter!) It’s awesome that it works for other people, I’m so happy for each and everyone of you. (maybe a tinge jealous sometimes, too) And I know I’ve given up time after time but if I’m not ready, I’m just not ready. If a kid isn’t up to par, they hold him back a grade, right? Right. And isn’t part of the whole meditation process is not forcing it .. to just let it come naturally, do what feels natural, in order to be one with your natural self?
One day I’ll get there. And I’m sure that when I do I’ll advance from grade level to grade level and Meditation (and maybe even Yoga, who knows!) will be a part of my every day routine like washing my face and I’ll look back at this post and laugh because I was so blind to it all. Maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll see. I’m open to the possibilities.
Even though I’m currently a Meditation School Drop-Out with an occasionally cloudy aura and sometimes slightly off balance chakras. I know all things will even out eventually. I have faith in that. And I happen to think that’s a pretty good start.
Namaste.
*See, at least I learned something in all my meditation school that actually stuck ;)
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[*Writer's Note: Some of the subjects discussed in this post are not typical for me to share. I do not wish to mock, offend or even discomfort any of my readers. I believe in an open mind, an open heart, and all spiritual paths that lead to God.]
