A few weeks ago my friend Casey over at A Five-Leaf Clover and I were talking one day about how much we share with the world in our blogs. She wrote an incredible post where she admitted to waking up crying one morning which is what has empowered me to share something with you. I’m going to tell you about it not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because I know some of you have been in similar situations or slumps.
Here is my confession – For the past few months I have been in a dark place and gradually got worse. I was more than grumpy, I was straight up tired of it all and wanted to change but just didn’t know how.
I believed things would be ok eventually. It was just running down the dark hall way to get to the light at the end of the tunnel (for lack of better phrasing) that was the hard part. I was stuck in the friggin tunnel. And I hate tunnels – metaphorically AND literally.
This is something that started a few months ago and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it – I just wasn’t happy and I couldn’t stop crying. On the outside everything seemed ok to most people, that’s because I learned how to smile even when I was falling down. But on the inside I was not ok and I knew it, I just didn’t know how to make it stop. Does this mean I have been depressed all the time and never smile? No. It just means that there’s been a cloud hovering around me that no one else would’ve ever known about, and it’s time I called the cloud out. I’m willing to bet that most of you have been there before, you find yourself restless — in a slump — with nothing really to point your finger at for the blame.
It’s a darker side to being a woman that is often not discussed in mixed company. If we talk about it we’re often perceived as being overly emotional, losing our marbles, can’t get it together, unprofessional, weak, completely off our rocker .. the list goes on and on. (feel free to slide in your favorite one) BUT it’s real and sometimes, sometimes it just happens. It doesn’t mean that we fall down the spiral staircase, hit the floor, breaking both our legs and just lay there. No. It just means that sometimes we slip down the spirals, we eventually catch our footing, stand up and climb back up the stairs. Sometimes all we need is a little piece of rope .. of hope .. to get things going back in the right direction.
So – why now? Why am I telling you about this now? Well, that is because I was handed a rope to help pull me back up on my feet this past weekend. If we’ve chatted in person you know that my ultimate goal is to write a book. And yes I’ve had a few jump starts here and there over the past few years. Chapters laying in different corners of my room, ideas strewn out on post-its and such. But finally – finally I was delivered the Big One. The perfect idea for my book and exactly how I wanted to send the message that I am trying to send. It started when I woke up Saturday morning after crying myself to sleep the night before. It was just there and it was all I could think about. I woke up Sunday morning with even more ideas.
On Sunday afternoon I went to the Center for Women’s Lowcountry Women Author’s Holiday Book Signing. I was surrounded by many incredibly talented female authors, including my writing Yoda – who I immediately got super nervous when I saw from across the room – Angie Mizzell. I was humbled to be there, especially knowing I was just beginning on my real book manuscript. It was phenomenal. It helped me take hold of that rope a little tighter and start to stand up a little straighter. I want to be there in a few years. Sitting at my table and signing my book. Right next to Angie. In the middle of the room. Go ahead and set up a Reserved sign for a few years from now. (Granted I haven’t gone over these plans with Angie yet, but I’m hoping she won’t mind I’ve already added her into it!)
So there it is – that is my rope of hope that I’m holding onto. All it takes is one thing to help pull ourselves out of life slump. I know as a woman, as a Sassy Steel Magnolia that that is just another part of who I am. And just as many of you readers have, I’ve made it through ’em before .. I’ma make it through this one, too .. and any other one that may come my way.
May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with warm wishes & too much food! ~besos~ Jennie B.
